We live, we learn

Every person that steps into our lives is meant to teach us something, regardless of the experience, good or bad.

And when a relationship falls apart, most of the time, it’s not only one party that is at fault. But often, it’s so much easier to put the blame on the other person.

Just because the person is perfect, doesn’t mean that he or she is perfect for you.

And no matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone love you - it just doesn't work that way.


“We can only learn to love by loving.” – Iris Murdoch

I will remember you. have to. must.

It's been awhile.

Funny that I didn't realize how precious my weekends are until recently. I have so many personal, non-work related stuff that I want to do and hopefully this time it's not just another case of NATO (No action, talk only).

*

Occasionally, in life, it takes something, an incident, perhaps an individual experience, to make us realize how significant some things in our lives are to us.

If you're one of those unfortunate ones, you won't until you've lost it.

I thought I've learnt a very important lesson back in 2003. And then I discovered that the truth is that people forget - I feel as if I'm back to my old selfish ways of putting myself first in front of everything else. Again.

When I'm well aware that each & every one of our days on the face of this earth are numbered.

And understand that there's indeed a possibility that a day called 'tomorrow' might never come.

And I've learnt that when a person you care about deeply is gone, it doesn't really matter how much tears you shed afterwards or how many times you place fresh white lilies by his grave because you will never get a chance to tell him again how you really feel.

I know.

Because I've been down that road before.

And yet, at times, I tend to forget & get my priorities all screwed up.

So I have to keep reminding myself over & over again.


I miss you, James.


"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." - John F. Kennedy

Blessed

I received this in my inbox today (Lawrence, if you happen to be reading this, for which I'm quite sure you will, thank you!).

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: 'Why does God have to select you for such a bad disease?'

To this Arthur replied:
'The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, when I was holding a cup I never asked God 'Why me?'.

And today in pain I should not be asking God 'Why me?'

Which prompts me to ask myself when was the last time I counted my blessings?

Each & every one of us have so many things to be thankful for and yet often, we fail to realize how lucky we are. It has not dawned upon us that there are a lot of people in this world who are so much less fortunate than us. (Or, maybe, for some of us, we don't really give a hoot because all we care about is ourselves and for that, my friend, all I can say is that I feel sorry for you)

Instead of counting our blessings, we put more emphasis on what is lacking in our own little world - physical beauty, worldly possessions, a loving, more understanding/romantic partner, a better paying AND less stressful job (keep on dreamin', baby!)

In times of trial, we blame God; at times, our parents/partners, society, government, etc. but not for a moment do we look back and ask ourselves whether we have ever thanked or credited anyone during our happy moments.

The truth is that most of the time we don't because the majority of us think we deserve all the happiness in the world but not the trials & tribulations that come with it.

We simply refuse to acknowledge that ups & downs are part & parcel of life.

So today, I am ever so grateful for:

• Having my mom as a parent and thankful for everything that she has done for both my brother & I - without you, there will be no us;
• My relatives for being ever so supportive and remaining a close knit family even though there tend to be some on and off minor arguments,
• My cousin for allowing me to stay with her so that I can watch baby Aydan grow into a beautiful little girl and also, at the same time discover that in a relationship, a perfect partner does not exist;
• My amazing friends whom I have come to realize that even though we're far apart, that I can always count on them (you know who you are!);
• My job which I enjoy despite the fact that I still hate the idea of getting out of bed at 6.15am every weekday morning;
• My yoga classes which never fail to make me marvel at how time can possibly pass sooooo slowly and yet, brings a sense of peacefulness within me;
• Me being pink, pasty & healthy and though sometimes my left knee hurts a little after my 3km run, at least my four, whole, limbs are still attached to my trunk & in working order.

I could not have asked for more.

"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." - Carl Gustav Jung, Swiss psychiatrist, Psychologist and Founder of the Analytic Psychology, 1875 - 1961

A funny thing called love

I may not have shown my appreciation for all the things you've done for me before so here it goes:

Thank you for everything that you have given me; and more importantly, for showing me what I can be and more.

I'm everything I am today because you loved me.

And just because two people are no longer together doesn't mean they have to stop caring for each other.

All I can do is hope and pray that you'll find your happiness one day, even if it's not with me.


"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." - St. Augustine

Honey, do I look fat in this?

No comprendo why one would ask a question when (s)he is not ready for an honest answer.

A question which puts the other party in a predicament.

Should he then:

(A) be true to himself (read: honest) and risk jeopardizing the delicate balance of the relationship; or

(B)just say what he thinks she wants to hear, i.e. a safe answer, such as, "You look fine, dear. Uhm, and since we're running late, I guess I'll just go start up the car first."

If your choice is (B), you are hereby forewarned that it may prompt her to say (here, the word 'scream' can also be used interchangeably) "You liar! I am getting fat, I can feel it! I can hardly button up most, if not all of my workpants nowadays. Oh my God, I'm turning into a hippopotamus! Why are you lying to me? Why? Tell me!"

And depending (a lot) on how he reacts, it will end up 78% of the time, with an imaginary border drawn right in the middle of the bed that fateful night, at best.

And a cold war that could last a lifetime and beyond, at worst.

I somehow have a gut feeling that the author of this phrase "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" was exactly in this situation when he had a 'Eureka' experience and coined the phrase.

Some words are best left unsaid.

Or should I say, unquestioned.


"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield, American comedian and actor


Nota bene:
This is NOT from the writer's own personal experience except for the "I can hardly button up most, if not all of my workpants nowadays" part.
As for the "OMG, I'm turning into a hippopotamus!", I'm warning you, don't even go there.

A rich batter

Once upon a time, I had a cake but I wasn't satisfied then - I wanted the option of eating it also. At that time, I thought that savoring my cake was more meaningful than just plain staring at it.

But now that I've had the opportunity to take a bite of the cake, I'm not sure whether I want to continue stuffing my face with it.

(A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, perhaps?)

Come to think of it, the taste wasn't that divine either.

And now I'm beginning to yearn for the sight of my beautiful, used-to-be whole, oh-so-perfect cake.

Will I ever get a chance to have my cake and eat it too?

Only time will tell.

Until then, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.


"If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you."
- Lao Tzu

"Choose what you like; like what you choose"

That was what a friend told me eons ago.

Sounds simple and yet very meaningful.

Since we (almost) always have choices in life but once a selection is made, it can be quite difficult to un-do.

Which is the reason why one should choose wisely and consider all the options available.

Although sometimes not making a choice is indirectly a choice by itself.

There is no guarantee that your favorite will still be one that you prefer exactly 1 year, 3 months and 17 days down the line.

Circumstances may change, let alone people.

Just because I love Haagen Daaz's Cookies & Cream to death, doesn't mean that I am obliged to go with that option each and every time I reach for the dessert menu.

Do what you think is best for you now, no matter what others say. Because at the end of the day, you will be the one stuck with your choice.

After all, we are all selfish in our own little ways.

"Life is a sum of all your choices." - Albert Camus

"Why are you such a nice person?"

Because...

I believe in karma.

Even though no one is around, someone up there is watching your every move.

I would expect to be treated the same way if the roles are reversed.

We are all humans who are prone to making mistakes and hence, deserve a second chance.

But last but definitely not least, since you don't know me long enough to discover every facet of me and find out that I'm merely human.

Just like you.


"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Why do I love you? Tell me why

Took me awhile to locate this quote:

"Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; Do not write them on their tombstones, Speak them rather now instead." – Anna Cummins

Why do we perpetually take the things we have for granted?

How could we not have learnt from our past mistakes?

Why do we let our egos get in the way in bouts of anger, only to regret it later and yet, still refusing to swallow our pride and say those 2 little words that mean so much?

Why do we hurt the ones we love the most?

Why do we sometimes treat our friends better than our family?

In an ideal world, there will always be a tomorrow.

But every good story must have an ending and often enough, we don’t get to choose where, when or how.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

RIP, grandma.

An open book

In life, we will cross paths with a lot of characters, some colourful, some dull,some loud and some reserved.

But often, what you see may not be necessarily what you get.

***

I get quite uncomfortable if 5 minutes through my conversation with a stranger, she begins to talk to me like I'm her BFF.

Now who doesn't know that friendships take time to develop? After all, Rome was not built in a day.

I can't stand it when a person goes on and on forever and doesn't seem to need to catch a breather between each sentence.

Why can't she just shut the hell up already???

Maybe she was a mute in her previous life.

And judging by the rate she's going, she may go back to being one again in her next life since she has already fully utilized all her 'talktime' for 3 lifetimes.

And then there are people who pretend to be nice and extremely helpful but stabs you from behind when you're not looking.

Some individuals who seemed cocky on the exterior but as you get to know them better,you realize that they are actually kind people who will not hesitate to lend you a helping hand (or ear) when you need it.

Last but definitely not least, the type who are friends with everyone but then there's just something about him/ her that you just can't put your finger on. And no matter how hard you try, there always seem to be a humongous gap between the both of you.

Okay, so perhaps I didn't try hard enough. Or just couldn't be bothered to even try at all.

Maybe the problem lies with me, and not this person.


"To be yourself in this world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson


Not a good reader,

Do I have to say the words?

"So easy to say the words goodbye, so hard to let the feelings die"... as the lyrics to the Natalie Cole song, Starting over Again, goes.

They say that you won't know how to appreciate the things you've got until they're gone.

Every once in a blue moon, I'd ask myself if we've made the right decision by choosing this path or whether both of us should've strived harder and meet each other halfway instead.

And when I think of him, I can't help but wonder whether he is somewhere other there, thinking of me too.

But I've always believe that if it's meant to be, no matter how long it takes, we'll get there eventually. And if it isn't, regardless of how hard we try, it will still fall apart in the end.

Only time will tell.


"The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love." - Tom Robbins in 'Still Life with Woodpecker'


Thinking of you,

Selling your soul to the devil

Just the other day I was talking to 'a blast from my past' online and he was sharing with me details of his last r'ship (okay, i admit, i was the one who coaxed him into telling). Suddenly, it hit me that all our relationships have something in common: compromise.

We meet someone whom we thought was perfect in almost every sense except one tiny little bit. Well, that was what we thought in the first place anyway. But as time passes by, this tiny problem blows up to its original proportion and then we sit there, asking ourselves, "Is this what I want to live with for the rest of my life?"

Come on, let's face it, we're all selfish creatures who think highly of ourselves and will be, most, if not all of the time, unwilling to settle for anything but the best.

After all, it's not like the other party is going to blissfully happy if her partner is in a permanent state of misery. Maybe it'll look like a cruel decision at the beginning but trust me, it's for the best.

You love him enough to revamp yourself on top of accepting him for who he is, and yet, he doesn't think that you'll ever be good enough for him.

You start by being upset at first, bawling your eyes out and asking yourself how could your man be so cruel after all that both of you have been through. Deep inside, you hope that he'll wake up one morning and realize that he cannot live without you. Then both of you will be go off riding a horse into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Like that will ever happen.

As days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, it suddenly dawned upon you that he's never gonna come running back into your arms. After awhile, you get REALLY pissed off at this person who has wasted [fill in the no. of years here] of your youthful years. Then you start to cut up photos of him and throw all the gifts that he'd given you.

Endless nights of crying and going through the past scenarios in your head over and over again, you finally realize that enough is enough and decided to get on with your life.

Hmm... Wouldn't it be much easier to skip all the initial steps and just go straight to the final step since the end result is gonna be the same?

But I guess most of us have to go through this process first in order to heal. And this would be definitely a much better option compared to going for rebound relationships where more hearts might get broken as a result of this approach.

From my individual experience, I know that often, there's a price to pay for listening to your heart instead of your head.

So if things don't work out, I personally prefer to convince myself that the relationship was doomed from the beginning by going through all our fights and his annoying habits in my head on rerun mode. And because I keep reminding myself that he's not The One, it makes it easier for me to let go.

I guess sometimes we just have to be cruel to be kind.


"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'" - Author Unknown


It ain't over til
the fat lady sings,

Thank you

I remember when I was young, my mom used to tease me, saying that I carry gold in my mouth because I hardly talk. I have to admit that I was a shy child growing up and even nowadays, I still loathe those awkward silent moments when both parties are staring at each other like idiots.

Until today, I honestly still don’t see the point of blabbing away and think that small talk, although in certain situations necessary, are sometimes absolute rubbish and a complete waste of time.

Maybe I was a hermit in my previous life and hence, the difficulty in trying to adapt to this one.

The recent happening made me realize that this recluse actually do have friends. In fact, this week was pretty hectic with all the errands, packing, farewell gatherings and lovely dinners. I have to say that I am a bit reluctant to leave my previous job because of the friendships I’ve forged with some of the people through work. You know the feeling when you first met someone and instantly, you find that person likable and both of you just clicked?

I hope that the feeling isn’t one-sided when I said that I consider these people more than just colleagues and business partners but as friends as well. You should know who you are by now.

On top of that, I’m glad that I actually managed to spend some time with my old and dear friends. It may not be as much as I’d like to but as they say, better late than never. During one of the weekends spent with them, it dawned upon me that my closest friends are the ones that I can actually sit around, say or do nothing and still feel comfortable with.

These are the people whom I don’t have to make the effort to come up with some witty remarks on days that I don’t feel like doing so – they are the ones who let me be just, well, me.

If I’ve never told you how much I cherish our friendship, I hope that now is not too late.


“A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” – Lois Wyse


Blessed,

It's all in the timing

I’ve been staying in this little apartment for almost 5 years; 4 years, 8 months & 3 days to be exact. When I first stepped into 2009, I had a feeling that I was going to move out of this place for good.

A week from now, I’ll be out of here.

But for a totally different reason than what I had in mind in the beginning of the year.

Even though my initial dream did not materialize, I felt as if God has been smiling over me – by giving me the choice of walking down another path.

The cold, hard truth is that sometimes people let you down (and vice versa), but at the end of the day, what matters the most is that you don’t let them get to you.

Always remember that everything in life happens for a reason.

Maybe it’s just that you haven’t discovered yours yet.

"I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." – Thomas Edison

Breathing a sigh of relief,

She got it

Had my haircut last week.

Wanted to go back to the same stylist that I went to during my pre-CNY haircut rush (Chinese will understand this term very well) because my colleagues seemed to think that she was better than my usual stylist but coincidentally, she wasn’t working on that day.

Initially, I wanted to wait til the next day but on second thought, I changed my mind and went ahead to the saloon to put my life (read: hair) in the hands of another stylist.

If you think that by now, I’d put up some photos of my new haircut, then you are wrong. Obviously you don’t know me well enough to know that I somehow feel that the camera doesn’t do me much justice - I usually look absolutely horrendous in 98% of my photos.

That’s not to say that I look absolutely stunning in real life-lah, after all, who am I to defy the mirror?

Anyway, back to the haircut: it turned out pretty okay (like they normally do after all the blowing and products used. And more often than not, it’s next to impossible to re-create the same look at home. Hmm...I wonder why). I’m not very particular about how my hair looks as long as it doesn’t involve sacrificing my snooze time in the morning.

It got me thinking…

If you’ve always stuck with the same old stylist your whole (adult) life just because you think that he gives you an awesome haircut, what makes you think that another can’t do the same or even better than that?

I guess it’s the same with life, be it in terms of your job, your partner or even your lifestyle. Just because you enjoy it now doesn’t mean that you are obliged to be attached to it for the rest of your days.

That’s what I always remind myself when I envy those people who marry their first loves.

How would they know that their partners are the best if they have never been with another person before?

And will they ever learn how to truly appreciate the ones that they’re with since they have no other b*tchy, atrocious and inconsiderate exes to compare them with?

The same goes if you return from one of your saloon visits with a botched-up haircut. So what? It’s not like it’s permanent damage - your hair will grow back, (sadly), whether you like it or not.

It’s not like it’s a cosmetic surgery which cost you RM8,000. If you despise it so much, you always have the option of going to another stylist to fix it.

When it comes to relationships, it’s the same thing. Just because you’ve been hurt badly once, doesn’t mean that the next one who comes along will follow the footsteps of your ex (unless you’re blinded by the bling-bling or really super-duper unlucky).

It’s always good to be cautious but when the time is right, you should be prepared to let your guard down.

Allow yourself a chance to make it right this time around.

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problems and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” – Anthony Robbins

Moonstruck,

"Are you the exception...or the rule?"

Just came back from watching this movie.

It made me wonder if 90% of women on the face of this earth are delusional.

Sounds sad but true. And to think that I may be one of them.

Sometimes we hang on to petty issues like they are matters between life and death when the fact is that they don’t really matter at all.

Guys, they just let their egos and occasionally, their ‘the other heads’ get in the way.

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

As for me, I don’t think I’ll ever give up. No matter what happens.

Because that’s just the way I am: hardheaded as hell.

“Dum spiro, spero” (While I breathe, I hope) – Latin Proverb

Hopeful,

And now I see that you're so happy

Had lunch today with a close friend who made time for me amidst her wedding preparations.

Although I haven’t known her for a long time but I know that she’s a kind person at heart, a very rare find these days.

I’m glad to see her so happy because I believe that someone like her deserves all the happiness in the world.

All I can say is that he’s damn lucky to end up with someone like her as his wife.

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” – Tom Mullen

P/S: the roast duck was extremely delicious!

Blissful,

Miss Perfectly Not

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” – Kurt Cobain

If you found the love of your life one day and he doesn’t like something about you, will you be willing to change yourself to suit his whim and fancy?

As for me, I personally have not found anyone who would have made me do such a thing. Yet. And even if I had found someone like that, I ought to be smart enough to realize that he must not have loved me for me if all he wanted was for me to morph myself into who he wants me to be, right?

What’s the point of being married with two children and having a picture-perfect family on the outside when the truth is that you're miserable because you are pretending to be a person you're not every single day of the week? Wouldn’t it be pretty tiring?

And I'm quite sure that the love you had at the beginning will fade as time passes by because you will start to despise this person so much for playing such an important role in your life. When the fact is that you have no other to blame but yourself. You brought this upon yourself, remember? You could have put your foot down on the first day, but instead, you played along to the beat of his drums.

If change is to happen within me, it should be because I wanted to do so at my own free will and not merely because I wanted to please this so-called “love of my life” who obviously doesn’t love me for me.

I am who I am. I may not be Miss Perfect and have my own share of flaws but doesn’t everyone, yourself included? Sometimes, I can’t help but wish that people would look at the (other) shinier side of the coin instead of just focusing on the dull side.

You may think that I’m being selfish.

But at least, I have the guts to stand up and admit it.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

I ain’t no great pretender,

When love & hate collide

“When divided we stand, baby, united we fall”

I never thought it was possible to love someone so much and also hate him with such passion all at once.

On certain days, we can’t even see eye-to-eye. I guess both of us are too stubborn and refuse to give in each time we are in a heated argument.

I don’t see why I should be the one apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong in the first place – well, at least that’s what I thought of 2 out of the 3 arguments that we’ve had recently.

And even if I did, until today, I can’t see the reason why he should raise his voice at me. I’m 28 years old, for heaven’s sake, not his 3-year-old daughter! Even my mom doesn’t talk to me in such a manner.

I know I’m extremely stubborn and I won't deny that. I’ve always believed that if I’m right, I need to stand up for myself because if I don’t, nobody else will. If you are looking for a doormat, I’m sorry but you won’t find it here.

On top of that, I’m a carrot person and the stick method doesn’t work on me at all. Maybe he hasn’t realized this yet.

Or maybe he prefers to apply the stick method just because it has worked for him in the past.

I love him dearly but perhaps at the end of the day, I still love myself more.

“The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.” – Oscar Wilde in ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’

Just as I am,

Remember the time

Sometimes when I look back at my past, I would smile thinking of how smitten I was towards a certain person.

You know the feeling that he was meant to be ‘The One’?

I think it was those feelings that kept me going throughout those years with him - through all the heartache and tears. Read the rest of the story here:

http://mellys03.blog.friendster.com/2007/03/the-story-of-a-girl-and-a-leopard/

At least I know now that we can’t rely on our hearts alone when it comes to relationships.

Rationality should be a keyword in all of our dictionaries.

If being together with him/ her doesn’t make you happy today, what makes you think that things will change tomorrow?

But sometimes the truth is indeed hard to swallow.

If two people are meant to spend their lifetimes together, it will happen eventually. No pushing or shoving required.

If it’s not intended to be, no matter how much effort one party puts in, at the end of the day, both sides will end up being miserable. So, what’s the point?

Are there things that you’ve regretted in any past relationships?

Definitely. But I've made my choice and am now walking down the path I’ve picked. And there seems to be no U-turn in sight. Maybe this is where and who I'm destined to be with – as of now.

After all, who are we to say that we know for certain what is going to happen tomorrow?

Considering the fact that we are no fortune tellers, well, at least I'm not anyway.

“You need the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Viebuhr

No turning back,