Honey, do I look fat in this?

No comprendo why one would ask a question when (s)he is not ready for an honest answer.

A question which puts the other party in a predicament.

Should he then:

(A) be true to himself (read: honest) and risk jeopardizing the delicate balance of the relationship; or

(B)just say what he thinks she wants to hear, i.e. a safe answer, such as, "You look fine, dear. Uhm, and since we're running late, I guess I'll just go start up the car first."

If your choice is (B), you are hereby forewarned that it may prompt her to say (here, the word 'scream' can also be used interchangeably) "You liar! I am getting fat, I can feel it! I can hardly button up most, if not all of my workpants nowadays. Oh my God, I'm turning into a hippopotamus! Why are you lying to me? Why? Tell me!"

And depending (a lot) on how he reacts, it will end up 78% of the time, with an imaginary border drawn right in the middle of the bed that fateful night, at best.

And a cold war that could last a lifetime and beyond, at worst.

I somehow have a gut feeling that the author of this phrase "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" was exactly in this situation when he had a 'Eureka' experience and coined the phrase.

Some words are best left unsaid.

Or should I say, unquestioned.


"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield, American comedian and actor


Nota bene:
This is NOT from the writer's own personal experience except for the "I can hardly button up most, if not all of my workpants nowadays" part.
As for the "OMG, I'm turning into a hippopotamus!", I'm warning you, don't even go there.

Man in the mirror

I lost my cool yesterday. Twice, in fact.

Totally un-cool.

And to think of myself as someone with a high threshold of tolerance limit who cannot seem to recall when was the last time she lost her temper.

Maybe it's true that what you perceive yourself to be, is, most of the time, totally different from what others think of you.

You may think the world of yourself and yet, the people around you actually find it difficult to say something nice about you.

You may be an insecure little soul and yet, there's someone out there who adores you and thinks highly of you.

I guess there are a lot of delusional people out there, including yours truly.

I'd like to think that I'm a thoughtful person but deep down inside, I know I'm a selfish being.

At least I'm honest about it.

Admission is one thing, making a change is a completely different song altogether.


"We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves." - Lynn Hall


Tick-tock,

Ain't it funny

It puzzles me when I speak a certain non-English language to an individual and he/ she feels the inclination to reply in English in return.

This morning, I spoke to this Malay guy in Malay and he replied in English. Fine. I thought if I continued speaking in Malay, he’d follow suit eventually but that wasn’t the case.

I’m like, what the hell?

Most of the time, my previous encounters were with Chinese (taking into consideration the fact that my Tamil vocabulary is, indeed, limited) who chose to reply in English when I speak to them in Cantonese. It seems that some of these people think that "Speaking got more standard mah, talk in Cantonese no standard-lah. You think I dunno how to speaking meh???"

This kind of situation makes me marvel - since when do I look like an English teacher?

It’s like me asking for the time and the person telling me that it’s a Thursday.

Here comes the hypocrite part…

I remember doing the same thing when I first started working in KL 5 years ago (Oops, did I just revealed my age?). My clients would speak to me in Cantonese and yours truly would reply in English or Mandarin because her command of the Cantonese dialect s**ked big time (even though she watched a lot of TVB dramas during her leisure time).

Those were the days.

Nowadays, her Cantonese has improved compared to the olden days. Although every now and then, being the banana that she is, she still doesn’t have any clue of some phrases that her friends use.

And when she can’t find the words in Cantonese, fret not, there’s always a substitute word in (i) English (ii) Malay and/or (iii) Mandarin.

Don’t we all love being Malaysians?

“Be what you would seem to be – or, if you'd like it put more simply – never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.” – Lewis Carroll in ‘Alice in Wonderland’

Amused,

One last cry

Right now, I feel as if I’m stuck in this never-ending tunnel. I can’t stop walking because I don’t have food with me and my water supply is diminishing.

I don’t even know whether I’m walking in the right direction. All I know is that I’ve made my choice and now I have to stick with it.

Every so often, I wish that I’ll get a glimpse of daylight, which will signal the end of my journey (no, in case you are wondering, I’m not talking about dying). And only then can I finally breathe a sigh of relief.

But at times, I’m apprehensive that the only light I’ll finally get to see is the headlight of an oncoming train.

I can’t wait for this passage to end.

If my life is a storybook, I'll gladly flip over to the last page right away.

It better be a happy ending.

“It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end” – Ursula K. LeGuin

Patience is a virtue,

Excuse me, do you have the time?

My radio alarm clock is indicating 12.30am while my watch shows 12.28am. I know my watch is 5 minutes faster than the clock in my office and the alarm clock is a few minutes faster than the former simply because I have difficulties waking up in the morning.

And I dislike being late.

Well, actually I hate waiting for people as I feel like they somehow have total disregard of the other party’s time by being fashionably late. And you know what they say about doing unto others what they do unto you… (Remember THE Miss Righteous-ness from the cinema?)

But often, when you know that the time shown is ahead of the ‘real time’, you actually don’t make much effort to hurry up.

And the Malaysian mentality is always somewhat along the line of: since whoever I'm going to meet is going to be late anyway, so why bother being punctual?

“Just around the corner, traffic jam-lah” must be high on top of the list of reasonings that we use for not being on time. When the actual fact is that there is not one normal school-cum-working day when the streets of KL are not jammed up during rush hour.

I think we really should come up with some better defense the next time around since this excuse is getting pretty stale.

How about my dog swallowed the car key? Since dogs are capable of eating a child’s homework, I don’t see why bosses or important clients won’t buy that excuse.

So back to the issue of time, a couple of months ago, the battery on my watch went kaput and obviously, that meant that the time shown after that was never the same again.

That is assuming that the initial time was indeed, the correct time.

So can anyone tell me exactly what is the time now?

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." – Franklin P. Jones

Dazed,

Dilemma

Have finally grasped the significance of the phrase ‘Damned if you do, damned if you don’t” - down to a T.

And I just can’t wait to see how the rest of this TVB drama unfolds.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." – Buddha

All she wants to do is dance,

Singing in the rain

The skies are in a reddish colour, with the wind blowing in my face.

I can smell the rain coming in a distance.

Although I still have yet to muster the courage to listen to my "Sappy Love Songs" CD but somehow today is one of those days that remind me that the best things in life are, indeed, free.

Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not ours, to see.

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.

Life goes on,

If you're born in the month of September, you are most probably...

Suave and compromising.

Careful, cautious and organized. – Except when driving. Watch out!

Likes to point out people's mistakes. – Ask my colleagues, they’ll vouch for that.

Likes to criticize. – I can’t help it, really. I think I should seriously consider quitting my job and be a teacher. They get paid for both criticizing and pointing out their students’ mistakes, right? How cool is that?

Stubborn. – That’s my middle name.

Quiet but able to talk well. – Honestly, I think I can spend the whole day at home without speaking a single word. Come to think of it, make it two whole days.

Calm and cool. – What’s cooler than cool? Ice cold. (As heard on 'Hey ya' by Outkast)

Kind and sympathetic. – To animals, maybe?

Concerned and detailed. – This is some of the stuff that I’ve learnt from my first job. I guess it has become part and parcel of who I am today.

Loyal but not always honest. – Hmm… No comment.

Does work well. – I wonder if my boss will assure you on this one. I guess I’ll just have to shine up to her in exchange.

Very confident.

Sensitive.

Good memory. – So not true. I think I need more gingko biloba.

Clever and knowledgeable. – Uhm… *speechless*

Loves to look for information. – This is partly because I like to be always right and although I like to criticize others, I don’t enjoy it as much when the tables are turned.

Must control oneself when criticizing. – I know this but the question is how???

Able to motivate oneself.

Understanding.

Fun to be around.

Secretive.

Loves leisure and traveling.

Hardly shows emotions. – Let’s just say that I’m not an open book.

Tends to bottle up feelings. – I must have a huge collection of bottles & jars at home by now.

Very choosy, especially in relationships. – I’m saying this is true just to make my exes happy. No point in burning the bridges behind me, right?

Systematic. – Occasionally, only when I’m in the mood, especially as a camouflage for procrastinating more important items on my To Do List.

Horoscope for the week beginning 22nd March 2009

Virgo: aug 24 - sept 23

Week of: Sun 22nd - Sat 28th March There's a new edge to you this week as the sun moves into Aries, and you're seeing the long term more clearly. Anything that's jointly held needs to be discussed fully, so sit around the debating table and go over everything with a fine tooth comb. Pluto brings fate and destiny to all your dealings, so bear this in mind as you plan ahead. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Uranus and Mercury in your partnership house tell you to listen well to information that comes your way. In that way, you'll know exactly where you stand. The backward motion of Saturn in your sign eases off recent pressure and gives you some breathing space. Allow repressed sensuality and passion to emerge. It could change your life. TRY TO-balance work and love

Frank Pilkington at http://www.frankpilkington.com/index.php

Always sunny in a rich man's world

The TV at home is showing signs of severe jaundice and yet, I’m still watching it like nobody’s business.

Isn’t it interesting to observe life in an altogether different hue?

However, I have to admit that at times, I do get a little confused because this is the background colour setting that some shows use for their flashbacks of the past.

After the TV, the water heater began to act up. Or was it the heater first then followed by the TV? I can’t really recall since a couple (or two) months have passed.So now I have no choice but to start and end my day jumping like a monkey on my bathroom floor to counter the effect of the icy-cold showers.

How invigorating.

Since I’m already exercising at home, twice daily (impressive!), I am now seriously considering giving up my gym membership for good.

Are these tell-tale signs that something big is bound to happen?

Or does it merely mean that my contribution to the growth of the almost stagnant economy will be made obligatory soon?

“When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.” – Oscar Wilde

A die-hard CSI fan who
doesn't mind watching re-runs,

Confessions

I don’t know how to react when someone I know in my every day life makes a remark about something I’ve written on my blog.

It just feels pretty weird.

If given a choice, I would rather much prefer if they had posted a comment here instead. At least that gives me a chance to ponder and figure out some intelligent response in return.

But in real life, we can’t always have our cake and eat it too, can we?

For me, my blog is just an avenue for me to vent and keep my sanity intact.

Nothing more, nothing less.

“There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad.” – Salvador Dali

Psycho,

Smacking my lips

“Two minutes on the lips, two years on the hips.”

Bah, who gives a s**t about the diameters of my thunder thighs?

If I get hit by a bus whilst crossing the road and died tomorrow, there will be no Maccas waiting for me when I crossed over – if there is such a thing as ‘the other side’. And should there ever be one, I hope that Melinda Gordon will point me to the right path. Mmm… she is indeed one hot momma.

One thing’s for sure, the worms will be having a feast.

Nah, I think I’d prefer to be cremated. The thought of worms squirming all over my cold, lifeless body repulses me. And to think that I can’t flick them away with my fingers… Eww.

Life is too short.

Even to think about life beyond death.

On a totally different note, how difficult is it to park within the confines of your own parking bay? Even a handful of bus drivers know how to park their vehicles properly so I can't understand why these fools can't learn to be more considerate. Watch out, because one day, you may just lose one of your side mirrors, thanks to either your brilliant parking skills or your tactlessness; or if you're lucky enough, both.

Oops, I forgot. Since they are idiots, they might never learn. Well, not in this lifetime anyway.

Come to think of it now, I actually feel sorry for these sods.

Running to the gym,

Sweat like a pig

I hate wiping people’s sweat off the equipment.

It’s disgusting.

To think that I actually brought my towel to the gym to wipe my OWN sweat off my body and the equipment that I'VE used. Now, after wiping someone’s sweat off the bench, I am restricted to wiping only the equipment from that moment onwards.

Which makes me end up looking like a cleaner who works there.

Maybe since I’m at it, I might as well clean the toilet bowls too.

Gross.

Perhaps the person has forgotten to bring his towel from home today and did not intentionally leave his bodily fluids there.

“There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's life – reciprocity.” – Confucius

To err is human,

When I grow up

Was at the gym last week working on my non-existent abs when I saw one of the instructors teaching a dance-cum-aerobic-cum-dunnowatchamacallit class.

She seemed to be enjoying herself, which makes me wonder… How many of us are actually making a living doing what we love to do?

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, it’s just that it’s nowhere near where I thought I'll be when I’m all grown up.

You know those essays we wrote in primary school about our ambitions, hopes and dreams? Hell, come to think of it, I can’t even remember what I wanted to be when I grow up. If my memory doesn’t serve me wrong, it should be somewhere along the line of an air stewardess, doctor or psychologist (I watch a lot of TV during those days. Even now).

Most of us have jobs to make ends meet so since we're at it, we might as well learn to enjoy the ride. After all, we spend an average of 50% of our waking hours at work (well, maybe this just applies to me), 5 days a week (6 for me), thus life would be quite miserable if you hate your job.

But if that day comes when you found something you love to do which can actually afford to fill your stomach, put the clothes on your back and a roof on your head, good for you.

As for me, I’m still looking for that dream job, if there ever is one.

“The man who does not work for the love of work but only for money is not likely to make money nor find much fun in life.” – Charles Schwab

Keepin' the faith,