Is your glass half full or half empty?

It’s been awhile since I last updated my blog.

Okay, who am I to kid myself here?

A 5-month absence can’t really be classified as ‘awhile’ unless you are on maternity leave... or can it?


I do miss driving on occasions ever since I came here but seriously, who would bother driving when the public transport system is so convenient, not to mention so much cheaper?

Just the other day I was standing in the bus on my way to work (no, in case you’re wondering, I don’t drive buses for a living + driving while standing up will just be too plain dangerous!) when the bus stopped at a traffic light and a pick-up truck transporting foreign construction workers stopped beside it.

I looked at them and asked myself, “What have I done to deserve such a good life?”

We don’t get to choose where we were born or our parents. We don’t get to pick our race and whether or not we get to be born free of deformities.

Compare a child who is a genius with an IQ of 150 born in a small rural village in Bangladesh to parents who did not have any form of education and a child born here with an average IQ – who will fare better in life?

Maybe I consider myself more privileged than those construction workers but for them, perhaps they themselves feel that they are already much better off than the people left behind in their villages who did not get the opportunity to come here, earn some money and go home to become the few richer ones there.

We also don’t get to choose how or when we die (unless one decides to commit suicide but that’ll be just plain stupid) so why not enjoy our journey while we’re still here?

And to think that we moan about being in a cramped fully air-conditioned bus and when there are no more available seats left in the train.


“If you haven’t all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don’t have that you wouldn’t want.” – Unknown

A year older & hopefully...

a year wiser.

This is the last year when I can write my age with a number 2_ at the front. I'd rather not dwell too much on how scary it is sometimes when you stop to wonder where the hell has all the time gone.
(2010 has been quite alarming. It's approaching 4Q already??? You must be kidding me!)

And who am I to judge whether or not I am indeed wiser?

All I can say is that I do honestly feel that I've never been happier at any point in my life compared to right here. Right now.


Surely I'll be more delighted if I can get a better job offer tomorrow, with a fatter paycheck and manageable workload.

Or if I can meet the man of my dreams next week, marry him in a whirlwind (not bad, ok?) romance, proceed to have 3 beautiful children & live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence.

When I can finally afford to buy myself a VW Golf GTI.

And what can be better than if I can eat all & whatever I want and never have to watch my weight and/or cholestrol?

I'm looking forward to the day when I can tell the one & only garbage truck in my life to his face that he can go and burn in garbage incinerator hell for all I care.


But while waiting for all these to happen...

What if I walked out on the streets tomorrow and get hit by a bus and coincidentally, am wearing my floral granny panties on that fateful day?

Or if I am to go for a medical check-up next week and the doctor discover that I have stage 3 lung cancer?

Or on my way to my dream vacation, the plane encounters engine problems, has to make an emergency landing but unfortunately, crashes into the sea?


The truth is that if you can't be happy and count your blessings right at this very minute in your life, maybe you will never ever be contented with what you have.

Because you have not realized that what you currently have is considerably so much, so much more than what the 72-year-old auntie selling packets of tissue at Hong Lim Complex has.

*

My wish is that when my next birthday comes along, I'll be sounding like a broken record, saying the same thing I've said today: that I'm so much happier at that moment then than I've ever been before.

And I could not have asked for more.


"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." - Meister Eckhardt

Blessed

I received this in my inbox today (Lawrence, if you happen to be reading this, for which I'm quite sure you will, thank you!).

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: 'Why does God have to select you for such a bad disease?'

To this Arthur replied:
'The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, when I was holding a cup I never asked God 'Why me?'.

And today in pain I should not be asking God 'Why me?'

Which prompts me to ask myself when was the last time I counted my blessings?

Each & every one of us have so many things to be thankful for and yet often, we fail to realize how lucky we are. It has not dawned upon us that there are a lot of people in this world who are so much less fortunate than us. (Or, maybe, for some of us, we don't really give a hoot because all we care about is ourselves and for that, my friend, all I can say is that I feel sorry for you)

Instead of counting our blessings, we put more emphasis on what is lacking in our own little world - physical beauty, worldly possessions, a loving, more understanding/romantic partner, a better paying AND less stressful job (keep on dreamin', baby!)

In times of trial, we blame God; at times, our parents/partners, society, government, etc. but not for a moment do we look back and ask ourselves whether we have ever thanked or credited anyone during our happy moments.

The truth is that most of the time we don't because the majority of us think we deserve all the happiness in the world but not the trials & tribulations that come with it.

We simply refuse to acknowledge that ups & downs are part & parcel of life.

So today, I am ever so grateful for:

• Having my mom as a parent and thankful for everything that she has done for both my brother & I - without you, there will be no us;
• My relatives for being ever so supportive and remaining a close knit family even though there tend to be some on and off minor arguments,
• My cousin for allowing me to stay with her so that I can watch baby Aydan grow into a beautiful little girl and also, at the same time discover that in a relationship, a perfect partner does not exist;
• My amazing friends whom I have come to realize that even though we're far apart, that I can always count on them (you know who you are!);
• My job which I enjoy despite the fact that I still hate the idea of getting out of bed at 6.15am every weekday morning;
• My yoga classes which never fail to make me marvel at how time can possibly pass sooooo slowly and yet, brings a sense of peacefulness within me;
• Me being pink, pasty & healthy and though sometimes my left knee hurts a little after my 3km run, at least my four, whole, limbs are still attached to my trunk & in working order.

I could not have asked for more.

"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." - Carl Gustav Jung, Swiss psychiatrist, Psychologist and Founder of the Analytic Psychology, 1875 - 1961

She got it

Had my haircut last week.

Wanted to go back to the same stylist that I went to during my pre-CNY haircut rush (Chinese will understand this term very well) because my colleagues seemed to think that she was better than my usual stylist but coincidentally, she wasn’t working on that day.

Initially, I wanted to wait til the next day but on second thought, I changed my mind and went ahead to the saloon to put my life (read: hair) in the hands of another stylist.

If you think that by now, I’d put up some photos of my new haircut, then you are wrong. Obviously you don’t know me well enough to know that I somehow feel that the camera doesn’t do me much justice - I usually look absolutely horrendous in 98% of my photos.

That’s not to say that I look absolutely stunning in real life-lah, after all, who am I to defy the mirror?

Anyway, back to the haircut: it turned out pretty okay (like they normally do after all the blowing and products used. And more often than not, it’s next to impossible to re-create the same look at home. Hmm...I wonder why). I’m not very particular about how my hair looks as long as it doesn’t involve sacrificing my snooze time in the morning.

It got me thinking…

If you’ve always stuck with the same old stylist your whole (adult) life just because you think that he gives you an awesome haircut, what makes you think that another can’t do the same or even better than that?

I guess it’s the same with life, be it in terms of your job, your partner or even your lifestyle. Just because you enjoy it now doesn’t mean that you are obliged to be attached to it for the rest of your days.

That’s what I always remind myself when I envy those people who marry their first loves.

How would they know that their partners are the best if they have never been with another person before?

And will they ever learn how to truly appreciate the ones that they’re with since they have no other b*tchy, atrocious and inconsiderate exes to compare them with?

The same goes if you return from one of your saloon visits with a botched-up haircut. So what? It’s not like it’s permanent damage - your hair will grow back, (sadly), whether you like it or not.

It’s not like it’s a cosmetic surgery which cost you RM8,000. If you despise it so much, you always have the option of going to another stylist to fix it.

When it comes to relationships, it’s the same thing. Just because you’ve been hurt badly once, doesn’t mean that the next one who comes along will follow the footsteps of your ex (unless you’re blinded by the bling-bling or really super-duper unlucky).

It’s always good to be cautious but when the time is right, you should be prepared to let your guard down.

Allow yourself a chance to make it right this time around.

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problems and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” – Anthony Robbins

Moonstruck,

The Window

by Author Unknown

A young couple moves into the neighbourhood. The next morning, while they were eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbour hanging her wash outside.

That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Is there such a thing as ‘washing correctly’???

Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time the neighbour would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.

The husband said: I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows. My gut feeling tells me that the wife must be a dumb blonde, don’t ask me how I know, I just do.

And so it is with life:

What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge.

Sometimes we have this negative perception about a certain person and so every tiny mistake that he/she makes, we just use them as an excuse to further re-emphasize that we were indeed right about this person in the first instance.

Perhaps all we wanted was to make ourselves feel better, at the expense of somebody else's feelings.

Always bear in mind that nobody is perfect, including you and I.

Miss Perfectly Not

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” – Kurt Cobain

If you found the love of your life one day and he doesn’t like something about you, will you be willing to change yourself to suit his whim and fancy?

As for me, I personally have not found anyone who would have made me do such a thing. Yet. And even if I had found someone like that, I ought to be smart enough to realize that he must not have loved me for me if all he wanted was for me to morph myself into who he wants me to be, right?

What’s the point of being married with two children and having a picture-perfect family on the outside when the truth is that you're miserable because you are pretending to be a person you're not every single day of the week? Wouldn’t it be pretty tiring?

And I'm quite sure that the love you had at the beginning will fade as time passes by because you will start to despise this person so much for playing such an important role in your life. When the fact is that you have no other to blame but yourself. You brought this upon yourself, remember? You could have put your foot down on the first day, but instead, you played along to the beat of his drums.

If change is to happen within me, it should be because I wanted to do so at my own free will and not merely because I wanted to please this so-called “love of my life” who obviously doesn’t love me for me.

I am who I am. I may not be Miss Perfect and have my own share of flaws but doesn’t everyone, yourself included? Sometimes, I can’t help but wish that people would look at the (other) shinier side of the coin instead of just focusing on the dull side.

You may think that I’m being selfish.

But at least, I have the guts to stand up and admit it.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

I ain’t no great pretender,

Nothing compares 2 U

You know when you were a kid how your mom used to compare you with your cousins or the neighbour’s kids of the same age group? I used to hate that and I swore to myself that I’ll never do the same thing to my kids in the future.

It’s sad to think that even now that I’m all grown up; I still have to face this kind of situation.

Your boyfriend measuring you up to his ex-girlfriend.

Your superior comparing you with your colleagues.

And worst, until today, sometimes your parents are still putting you side by side against your siblings or their friend’s children, especially when it comes to getting hitched and in terms of career.

How healthy is that?

The only difference is that now you have the right to speak up.

To the boyfriend: Since she’s such a gem, you should be married to her with 3 kids and would have lived happily ever after by now. So what the hell are you doing here with me?

To the boss: If somebody can do the job better and more efficient than I can, why the hell are you wasting your b***dy precious time telling me such things when you can just ask your Ms Super-Efficient & Effective to do it since she can get it done in 20 minutes?

How difficult is it to understand that each person is unique and has his/her own positive and negative traits, which make him, well, him? If everyone is identical then the world would be really boring, wouldn’t it? As if this is rocket science.

We should be celebrating our individuality and not wasting our time listening to people who tell us how we should or should not live our lives.

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again”. I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?” – Author Unknown

Standing up,

A matter of choice

“It isn't what you have in your pocket that makes you thankful, but what you have in your heart.” – Author Unknown

I remembered a long time ago when someone commented that I’m not ambitious enough. He said that if I am always to compare myself with someone mediocre, I would never be able to achieve great success.

Perhaps some people may think that I’m living in denial and that I may not be ruthless enough in this dog-eat-dog world. But I’d like to believe that each and every one of us should be thankful for what we have instead of always reminding ourselves of what we don’t have.

I’m not trying to say that love and only love itself will keep us alive because we need food, clothes and a roof on top of our heads to survive – which means that money is essential but should not be made the ultimate goal in life.

Recently, I kept saying to mom that having more money is always great but you can never carry them to your grave – so once in awhile we just have to keep our priorities in check.

***

I think I’m the type of person who prefers to look at the brighter side of life, no matter what the situation is. Each time I’m faced with difficult circumstances, I will always remind myself of the lowest point in my life and how I’ve survived it – in my heart, I know that since I had managed to get past that, chances are quite high that I’ll be able to sail my ship through the present rough sea conditions.

After all, it’s not terminal cancer I’m facing. And even if it is, miracles sometimes do happen.

If things don’t work out the way that I’ve wanted it to, I would always tell myself that maybe it wasn’t meant to be and that God has other more wonderful plans in store for me.

I’ve neither asked for more wealth nor a higher rung on the career ladder – maybe because deep inside I know that asking God for these kind of stuff without working for it would be like asking to strike the lottery when you haven’t even made the effort to purchase it.

To me, if you’ve worked hard, it doesn’t seem necessary to ask God for such things, those that are actually within your control. If it seems to you that you’ve work your a** off and it doesn’t seem like you are anywhere near the top prize, maybe something is seriously wrong with your superior. Or the problem lies within yourself but it’s just that you, being the human being that you are, are to proud to admit it.

***

The glass of water is there on the table and it’s up to the individual to perceive it as either half full or half empty. Whatever makes you happier because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Unless you enjoy living a life full of misery, always remember that there is and will always be a choice – your choice.

So for this Lunar New Year, I’m praying for good health for my family, the love of my life + his family, my brilliant friends, loved ones and last but definitely not least, myself.

“What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it – would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have.” – Ralph Marston

A grateful soul,

I want to believe in miracles

How does it feel like to have found someone whom you’ve spend your entire life searching for and one day, you wake up and find her lying on a hospital bed hooked on a ventilator?

If there is a God out there, how can He be so cruel and let this happen when there are so many evil, inhumane beings out there who are alive and well?

Where is the justice in all these?

Yesterday at 4-something in the evening the doctor told my cousin to be prepared as her daughter might not make it through the next 24 hours. I just don’t understand how someone can be brain dead and yet when you talk to her, her heart beats a little faster and tears can roll down her face.

It’s now more than 24 hours – perhaps she is waiting for her boyfriend to be there by her side, to kiss her and wake her up from her sound sleep.

Ange, remember the day your daddy left and how sad you, your mommy and brothers were? Your mommy needs you to be here. She’s lost your daddy already and she can’t afford to lose you. You are a fighter since you were a baby so please be strong, hang on in there and don’t you ever give up.

Prove the doctors wrong.

They may think that they are smarter than the rest of us and at times, they might actually be insightful but bear in mind that doctors are only humans, just like us.

And prone to making mistakes, just like us.

They are not and will never be Gods.

“Dum spiro spero (While I breathe, I hope)” – Latin proverb

XOXO,

The law of the garbage truck

I got told off by one of my clients today. Yes, in case you are wondering, working in a service-oriented industry sucks. Big time. It's unbelievable how office politics can get so ugly in some companies and the victim this time, unfortunately, happened to be someone out of the company: me. She (sadly, women are extremely prone to mood swings, more often than not) didn't even want to hear my explanation.

Perhaps she's having menopausal depression.

Or maybe she didn't get any from her husband last night.

Kudos to her for ruining my whole morning – Thursdays are supposed to be one of my favorite days of the week, after Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday; in that exact order.

I would also like to take this opportunity to retract my apology for the following reasons:-

(1) First and foremost, I am adamant that I didn’t do anything wrong

(2) If she has done her job in the first place then this wouldn’t have happened. I find it extremely amusing that this thought has never crossed her mind.

(3) Last but not least, people who behave like a**es do not deserve any apology. After all, we don’t go about saying that we're sorry to donkeys after accidentally stepping on their tails, do we?

But then again, I remembered this forwarded gem that I received in my inbox not too long ago:

Law of the Garbage Truck by Author Unknown One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. He was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.' He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

I guess I shouldn't take it personally; after all, I'm much better than that.

I ain't no garbage collector,

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Sometimes in the spur of the moment, we say hurtful things and a nanosecond after the words came out of our mouths, we are filled with regret but then the thing with words is that you are unable to take them back.

The damage has already been done.

I do that a lot, especially when I’m provoked. Although at times when I look back, I realized how foolish I was. But I still find it extremely hard to apologize, particularly in situations where I think I wasn’t the one who started the whole drama.

I’m stubborn that way.

~~~

Late this evening I received news that my cousin’s daughter has just been admitted into a hospital. She has already been sick for quite some time but then suddenly fell unconscious.

She is only 18.

~~~

On occasions, we get angry at someone we love due to petty issues. It never occurred to us that if we did not say “I’m sorry & I love you so very much” at that point in time, we may never get the chance to do it ever again; be it tomorrow, the day after or for the rest of our lives.

Is it worth it to put our egos in front of everything else?

“There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found
While journeying east and west –
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know;
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.”

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I’m sorry,

You make me better

During my single heydays, I used to ask myself why I was still single and if there was something about me that repel the guys around me.

I don’t have BO

I don’t have a breath that smells like rotten tomatoes

Neither do I walk around in a Hunchback of Notre Dame posture nor do I look anything like him

I have yet to weigh more than my refrigerator

As time passes by, I have also learned to accept the fact that I may not be anywhere near the following in this lifetime:

As pretty as Singaporean blogger Dawn Yang

As skinny as Kate Moss

Has a body to die for like J.Lo

Call me old-fashioned but I still think that beauty exudes from the inside. I know, I know it sounds like a consolation statement coming out from the mouth of someone who doesn’t look like Jessica Alba but what’s the point of looking drop-dead gorgeous when behind closed doors you are a backstabbing, conniving & pretentious b*tch? After all, beauty fades with time.

Although nowadays with Botox and cosmetic surgeries it seems that we humans are in fact capable of stopping time.

And when my man entered my life, he made me realize that I may not be as good as I thought I was. I’m not saying that I initially thought that I was flawless but he actually made me see so much of my imperfections (in terms of attitude, of course, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???) that it actually bowled me over.

By that time, I was already starting to doubt “How can someone possibly ever want to spend the rest of his life with me?”

The thing is that I have lived independently for a long time and even when I was in relationships, most of the time; my ex-bfs just let me be, well, me. I do what I like, say what’s on my mind, behave the way I want, etc.

In summary, I am a selfish being.

And I always hold the belief that we should accept the person we love for who he is instead of trying to change him into who we want him to be. That’s why when he came into my life; I found it difficult to accept that he was trying to change me until one day, when we were arguing about one of my antics, he said “Do you think that I go around complaining about others? I only do it because I truly care about you.” (The actual truth is that he does complain a lot but I’ve also learned when to talk & when to shut up)

So you might think after the incident I would have miraculously transformed overnight and we would have lived happily ever after in the magical castle. Let me tell you that you thought WRONG because me being the stubborn-headed pig is still struggling to change her habits.

But then I looked around and realized that there are a lot of people out there who are, well, normal human beings, just like you, me & Dupree; and they seem to thrive in their relationships so I don’t see why I can’t do the same. (How kiasu!)

So I guess no matter how much I hate to change, I have to start learning how to embrace it for my own sake, for him and for our future together.

“A soul mate sometimes enters our life as someone to stir us up, to hold up the mirror so that we can see ourselves more clearly and antagonize us and make us so uncomfortable that we have to change because we can’t continue to look at the same thing because we’re looking at it clearly now." - Richard Vogt

“I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to the person to realize your worth.” - Author Unknown

She loves me for me,

Do you believe in karma?

Have you ever noticed one very common trait among Asians? Being all polite and nice even when you don’t feel like it – I have to admit that I am also guilty of this sin.

I, for one, do not like going out of my way for others and this applies especially to people that I’m not close with. For I always believe that if they are my buddies, then they will know me well – at the very least well enough to know my likes and dislikes.

Until today, it never ceases to amaze me each time a so-called ‘friend’ comes up to me and actually have the nerves to open his/ her mouth to ask for a favour. So being the typical Asian that I am, most of the time I’ll say yes. Even though deep inside I loathe myself with every fibre of my being for not having the guts to say no.

God, I am such a doormat.

When you extend a helping hand, do you ever expect anything in return? If you don’t then please allow me to congratulate you because apparently you, my dear friend, have a heart of gold.

Which brings me to my story:-

I have been going out of my way for this “friend” of mine for a few months already. Although after the incident, I seriously doubt that she considers me as a friend after all. Just when I needed her help, she gave me some lame a** excuse as to why she would be unable to return the favour.

Since I don’t like doing things for others (yes, in case you are wondering, I do work part-time selling fish in the market), naturally I am inclined to do my own thing without asking for help – unless I am left with no other choice, which was exactly what happened the day I asked for her assistance.

So from that day onwards, I made up my mind – no more favours, well, at least not for this “friend” anyway. I informed her of my decision and man, it actually felt REALLY good (I know, I know, I’m mean!).

And then something happened to her the very same day she politely declined to help me (I swear, there was no physical injuries involved & I was also not the cause). I remembered clearly how I conveyed the news to my man with glee during the evening and told him that it was her karma.

Oops, wrong move.

I guess the thing with karma is that it always comes back and bites you in the a**. The very next day, as I was on my way to work, I met an accident involving a motorcyclist. Although both of us did not suffer any injuries but my car had to be sent to the workshop for a few days.

I didn’t realize how hellish life could be without a car – things like this happen when you get yourself too attached to the material things in this world. But lucky enough there was a kind Samaritan who offered to chauffeur me to and from work during that period. (God bless this kind soul)

So the man of the house reminded me of what I told him the night before: apparently, this was to be my karma.

As for me, I would very much prefer to look at it as a new, much needed and more importantly, free, paint job for my car – special thanks goes out to my “friend” for it.

"What you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you say." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Keep on smilin’,