The breaking point

No matter how patient a person is, he/ she still has a certain limit of how much they can take – once this is surpassed, there will be no turning back.

I consider myself to be extremely tolerant to this one particular person all these while and today I felt as if my patience has been stretched to the max. Here I am, asking myself the same questions that I have asked myself so many times before:

Will this be the last time?

If not, can I continue to live with this?

But the most important question of all is of course this: Do I want to accept this as part and parcel of my so-called life?

After all, life is all about making choices, which reminds me of this phrase that a friend once shared with me “Choose what you like, like what you choose”.

I think I know the world will be a better place if people can just put themselves in other people’s shoes for awhile and consider others’ feelings before they act on anything.

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.” – The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

Happy new year,

The way love's supposed to be

Sometimes I know we fight, sometimes things don't seem right,
Isn't that the way love's supposed to be?
And girl, I know it's hard, don't let things fall apart,
Isn't that the way love's supposed to be?

- Selwyn in 'The Way Love’s Supposed to be'

The other day when we were in the car, one of my bf’s friends asked him what made him attracted to me. I personally have not asked him that question before but I’m quite sure that he sees some qualities in me that he adores.

Even when I am super-stubborn, hate to be criticized and always want to have the last word.

The thing about being in love is that it’s always about taking a leap of faith together because we never know what will happen tomorrow. We could be in a relationship now and break up the next day. Hell, even married couples can get a divorce so who's to say that anything in this world can last forever?

Sometimes, the ‘& they lived happily ever after’ remains a phrase heard only in fairy tales.

But does that mean that we have to give up our quest of searching for true love?

I certainly hope not.

So if I’m single and feeling lonely now, should I re-consider all the men in my life and pick the best option available even if I know that there’s no sparks between us?

Often at times when you refuse to accept anything but the best, it will come to you. I’ve always believe in fate, especially when it comes to love but of course sitting at home waiting for your Prince Charming to come knocking on your door will not be the wisest decision. Unless your Prince happens to be the mailman, of course.

As for me, after all that we have been through, even if we argue, fuss and fight a lot, at the end of the day, it feels good to know that I have someone waiting for me at home. Someone I can turn to at times of hardship, someone to share my laughter and tears with.

Someone who loves me for me.

“Love is not blind – it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.” – Rabbi Julins Gordon

Thank God I found you,

Hands off my shoes!

I’m sure that a lot of you can relate to this…

One fine day, someone close to you decided to dish some “good” advice to you. In my instance, it is with regards to my relationship. Basically, what I should and shouldn’t allow my partner to do. Actually I have heard this lot of times before and I honestly do not need another mother in my life.

One is already more than enough.

I know that friends meant well most of the time, so I normally will just pretend to be listening and nod my head with some “mmm” and “yes ah?” every once in a while.

~~~

The truth is that we have to make our own mistakes in order to learn from them.

Did I listen to mom when she told me not to get a tattoo?

Nope.

Do I regret having this permanent thing plastered on the small of my back now and most probably forever?

Well, uhm, hmm, well, yeah, on occasions.

If I could turn back time and undo it, will I?

Nah. Maybe I’ll just get it somewhere else less visible.

~~~

Each one of us has to be out there taking chances, following our hearts and at the end of the day, if things didn’t work out, at least we know that we’ve been down that road before and have no regrets.

No what ifs.

~~~

I do not like people telling me what to and not to do in my life. In fact, I have been quite rebellious during my younger days: Going out clubbing until the break of dawn 2-3 nights every weekend, having 6 piercings on 1 ear and 2 on the other, getting a belly ring, a tattoo, etc. But I have to admit that I’ve never smoked or done drugs before even though some of the people around me did.

I must admit that at times I do wonder what it feels like to take an E but then I guess I was just to chicken to dabble into that kind of stuff.

I’m glad that I’m over all that now. In fact, nowadays I would rather sleep than go out clubbing with my friends and I’ve let go of all of my ear piercings albeit one on each ear.

When I look at the scars, I am reminded of my vibrant past and the memories never cease to make me smile.

~~~

Anyway, fast-forward to today, I still don’t like people teaching me how to lead my life. Even though I know well enough that they meant more good than harm.

I give a lot of freedom to my bf and I put 100% of my trust in him as I expect the same in return. I also know that if a guy wants to cheat, he will do it no matter how his gf tries to control him. In fact, the more stifling the relationship is, the harder the partner will struggle to break free.

But one thing with guys I can’t deny is that when you are too nice to them, they will take things for granted. Maybe they didn’t mean to do it on purpose, or maybe they could have just suddenly developed a mild case of Alzheimer’s.

So every once in a while, we have to tug on that chain a bit.

Not too hard, but just hard enough to remind them who’s the boss.

"The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. Each of us carries his own unique life form - which cannot be used by any other." - Carl Jung

Never bossy enough,

Grow up, puh-leaze!

Some people are smart.

Some are such dim-wits that you start to wonder how they can survive in this world for all these while.

Some act as if they’re smart and better than the rest of the world when the truth is that they are just one of us.

Some pretending to be stupid when in fact they’re not.

And some people are just plain childish and immature.

The conclusion:

This world is filled with groups from all walks of life.

Some you idolize and learn from,

Some you pray you won’t grow up to be like in this lifetime or even the next,

And some, let’s just say that you feel sorry for them because they are beyond redemption.

The inspiration from this entry came the other day when I left a comment on one of my so-called “Facebook friends” after she had posted something.

The next day when I wanted to see if there was any interesting continuation to her sob story, I suddenly realized that I have been taken off her friends’ list and no longer had access to her page anymore.

Oh wow, what an inspiring act. An extremely tough one to follow.

It reminds me of my primary school days: after an argument with our best friend, we tell her “I don’t wanna fren you anymore.”

Like I give a damn.

I know what will follow will make me sound like a broken record but still, she left me with no choice but to say it again:

If you don’t like something, change it. The world will not change overnight just because you complained, complained and complained some more. If you refuse to embrace change, then maybe it’s time for you to just shut the hell up and accept things as it is.

Just needed to get this off my chest and for keepsake purpose under the ‘Just for Laughs’ section.

Come to think of it, maybe I'm the one who's supposed to change and stop complaining since no matter how many gazillion times I've said it, it doesn't seem to have any impact on these people.

“It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.” – Original Author Unknown

I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed,

Driving on the fast lane

When I’m on the road, I do scare myself sometimes. The pent-up rage that is let out (be it vocally or through actions) on occasions to drivers who:

(1) Cut queues

(2) Drive at 60mph when they are on the fast lane.

(3) Refuse to give way even though I have my indicator lights on

This bunch of people really pisses me off – where have all their manners gone?

On occasion, I myself also refused to allow cars to cut in front of me. But mind you, I was not being a hypocrite at that time: During rush hour, there are a lot of cars in all three lanes turning to the left and these few smart-alecs try to cut queue from the fourth lane (which were meant for cars going straight ahead).

If I allow them to pass through today, won’t they keep doing it the next morning and even the day after tomorrow?

Am I being fair to the drivers behind me and also those in the rest of the two congested lanes who were patiently waiting in line?

Just because you drive a bus or a posh car doesn’t mean that you are above the law. Each one of us on the road has the right to be there because we pay our road taxes, too. So what makes you think that you have special privileges above and beyond us?

What I don’t understand is this: if you want the other driver to allow you through, shouldn’t you be prepared to return the favour to another? But what I gather from previous sightings is that these drivers are the ones who would normally not give way under any circumstances. Even if the other vehicle is an ambulance.

Whatever happened to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”?

I have to admit that I sometimes get my adrenaline pumped when I am in the midst of a “duel” with the bus driver, simply because I refuse to let him cut in front of me. Even if I know well enough that he has every reason to do so because the bus/ taxi lane has already ended at that point.

Well, I guess in this instance, I am indeed a hypocrite.

But I strictly hold by the rule that if there are no indicator lights blinking, I have the right not to allow the vehicle through because God has yet to grant me with the ability to read minds like Matt Parkman in the Heroes series.

“Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

P/S: I forgot to mention the most important detail of them all, i.e. I am a terrible driver, just like the majority of the women drivers on the road. No offence, ladies, I was just being truthful and we should know ourselves better than others, don’t you agree?

A scary driver,

Fate

I’ve always believed that every thing in life happens for a reason and there is such a thing as “fate” even though I am not the religious type. Although I used to label myself as an atheist, as I grow older, I find it quite hard not to accept the existence of God. In fact, sometimes I can’t help but think that God has been good to me. But since I’m not in the mood of discussing this topic now, I shall come back to this another day.

This evening, my beliefs in fate have been further established.

Every person that you have got to know or have been associated with in the past might re-appear in your life again unexpectedly so it’s always wise not to step on anybody’s toes on your way to the top.

Sometimes I wonder if I have under-estimated myself all these while and question whether I have yet to unleash my full potential. I’m not trying to brag here but the truth is that I do surprise myself occasionally. At times, I do stop and ponder on what is stopping me to reach for the stars although I know the answer well enough. It has and will always be me, myself and I.

I guess I am the type who needs someone to push me over the edge of the cliff in order for me to start learning how to fly because I simply do not have the courage to take the leap. It has happened before and now it’s happening again.

No matter what the future has in store for me, at least I know that I’ve gone down that road and seen what’s there at the end of the rainbow.

Even if it’s not a pot of gold.

“The greatest freedom of all - is not having the fear of losing.”- Author Unknown

Blessed,

The meaning of being fugly

fugly

adjective

extremely unattractive. Origin: term is a contraction of "f**king ugly."

source: http://onlineslangdictionary.com/

I was in the middle of my brunch this afternoon when this family of four came into the restaurant. The husband began to place their order and the waiter, being a man in his fifties was a little slow. He became impatient when he had to repeat his fussy & super-complicated order for, like, 3 times. He was causing a scene, in a restaurant full of customers, in front of his wife and two young kids. The waiter kept apologizing and his efforts to calm him down seem fruitless.

In my heart, I felt pitiful for the kids having to grow up with a dad like that. I’m sure that he is setting very high standards of how an adult must behave for them to emulate when they grow up. Maybe he was having a bad day but I somehow felt that it was unfair for him to treat the waiter like that. Everyone out there is just trying to make a living – put yourself in his shoes for a moment, wouldn’t you feel insulted to have someone talk to you in that manner?

If, for a moment, you think that I might also sympathize with the wife, then you are absolutely wrong.

You don’t get to choose which family you are borne into but you get to choose your life partner and she chose him. Essentially, that means that she condones his actions and considers them as acceptable behaviour.

I guess some people choose to be more intimidating than others. I used to know someone who has this trait, which made me pick up the book ‘Winning through Intimidation’, a 1973 book by Robert J. Ringer. After a while, it got me thinking, is this the way I want to be remembered? Threatening? Unapproachable? Scary?

Because this is exactly how I felt about this person.

In the end, I decided that I will just be myself and whether or not the people whom I stumble upon along the way, like me for being me; well, that’s another story.

Maybe the customer was also being himself and he doesn’t find anything wrong with him being that way. His family accepts him for who he is and so does his friends, thus how can it be possible that something is wrong with him?

I guess sometimes it’s much easier to criticize others than to look within ourselves, which is exactly what I’m doing now. Maybe the next time when I’m the one being a drama queen, I shall take a few steps backwards and look back at this entry. As the Malay proverb goes: “Seperti ketam menyuruh anaknya berjalan dengan betul” (Similar to the crab asking its offspring to walk in a straight, forward motion)

Rule #1 of dining out: never be mean to the person waiting at your table as there is a likelihood that you might get “freebies” added into your dish, without your knowledge and/ or consent.

Trust me; I’ve been a waitress before and you don't want this kind of freebies.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, church or home. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent of what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.” – Charles Swindoll

The ugly duckling,

Proud to be Malaysian

Trying to meet my target of blogging 7 days in a row, for which I have obviously fell short last week at only 5. Since I have a lot of thoughts running in my head and yet unable to concentrate as my whole life has been revolving around ‘The Gem of Life’ (珠光寶氣) drama of late, I managed to find this after rummaging through some of the junk mails I've received.

What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian

Original Author Unknown

1. You can name all the players from the the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia , one name also cannot come out.

2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah.

3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.

4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE , run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.

5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.

6. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.

7. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to a American / British / Australian.

8. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.

9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queueing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.

10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.

11. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.

12. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.

13. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say 'Wah! Very clever hor?' When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say 'Aiya! Of course lah!
He Malay mah!'

14. When an angmoh (Caucasian) stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.

I’m proud to be a Malaysian, no matter how much people here like to complain about the government, the weather, the education, the traffic, etc. If you want change, do something instead of sitting around all day with your friends in the coffee shop, criticizing the government. As if they can hear you from their lavish homes and over-decorated offices.

Or else, you have another option of migrating to another country and there’s plenty to choose from: Australia, New Zealand or even our neighboring country, Singapore.

So my question is this: what’s stopping you?

Maybe the truth is that we just love complaining. Which is the reason why we are still here after 30-40 years and might still be here until the day we die.

I guess this is just a part of us being Malaysians.

Truly Asian,

You make me sick

Today I made a startling discovery in the comfort of my own home. A couple of things (3 articles, to be precise) which I have previously noticed had gone missing (but couldn’t be bothered to take time out to search for) have suddenly turned up somewhere they don’t belong.

After much thought, I have came up with 2 most likely possibilities:

(A) Obviously they have grown legs and decided to make themselves comfortable some place else; or

(B) Perhaps I have a sleeping disorder whereby I would wake up in the middle of the night and decided to offer some of my personal belongings to another.

I couldn’t believe my eyes even though this is not the first time that it has happened. How could she??? I know I like to leave my things lying around the apartment but still, hasn’t it occurred in her pea-sized brain that there is a possibility that I am bound to notice that my stuff have gone missing one day?

Which reminds me of the other day when my man has given me a good lecture for not offering her the moon cakes that he has bought and instead letting them go bad. And also how she treats me kindly every once in a blue moon. Over the past few days, I have somehow felt bad for being cold towards her all these while.

After all that this person has done, I don’t think that she deserves to be classified under the category of a friend.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like a pretentious, hypocritical b*tch when I’m nice to people whom I know are two-faced. It makes me sick to my stomach when I’m kind towards them because to me, it’s almost as if I’ve already stooped down to their level. How different am I from them if I say I despise these degenerates and yet, turn around and say polite things to them? Am I not being two-faced also by doing that?

Well, the brighter side is that at least next time I’ll know where to look for my stuff if I can’t find them anywhere else.

“My actions are my only true belongings.

I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.

My actions are the ground upon which I stand.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh

So sick,

Happy birthday *bleep* (you know who you are)

Today is one of my ex-boyfriends birthday so I’d like to take this opportunity to wish him happy birthday. And also to you Y³, but only because I know you’ll be reading this. XD

I can see that he’s extremely blissful in his relationship right now. Even though I’m in a relationship and he’s in another, I have to admit that sometimes it does feel weird looking at photos of them together.

Which reminds me of the last time I ran into my most recent ex with his new gf at a shopping mall: although I already have absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever at that time, it just feels damn strange. My heart was pounding so hard that I was worried that my gf, who was next to me, could hear it.

I wonder if this is a feeling that people normally get when they (unintentionally) bump into their exes. Or does it only occur to psychopaths like myself?

But honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I’m happy for *bleep* because he is an amazing guy and deserves all the joy that this world can bring. Although I can’t say the same for my last ex and since I do not want to sound like a broken record, if you are curious to know more with regards to ‘Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah’ (Today in History), you can read it here:

http://mellys03.blog.friendster.com/2007/08/you-sent-me-an-sms/

Ah, the good ol’ memories.

I guess one of the reasons why I keep a blog (besides keeping me sane) is when I go back and read the entries; they really do bring back some fond recollections. There is only so much that our brain can store and a blog does the job a hundred times better. (Blog? Job? Hmm...)

Sometimes I look back and laugh at how incredibly silly I was in the past but then I’ve always believe that every single experience that I’ve previously encountered has mould me into who I am today so without a doubt, I would say this: no regrets.

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.” – Gilda Radner

Happy birthday my dearest,

Reunited… & it feels so good – In loving memory of Angeline Lai (1989 – 2008)

I received the news via sms this morning.

Man, do I hate it when I receive calls or sms-es from my family in the morning and late at night.

Because they usually always mean the same thing: bad news. I remembered clearly that the last time I received a phone call of a similar nature was when grandma's battery, after successfully running for 89 years, finally decided to give in – come to think of it, it was also around the same time last year.

When I saw that the sms was from mom, my heart was pounding fast and I hesitated for an instant second. But I know that no matter how I try to avoid it, I still have to face the truth sooner or later.

I guess my mom knew me well enough not to call me at that time of the hour. Me being the emotional sort, once the tap is turned on, it’s almost impossible to turn it off.

Angeline passed away at 8.10am this morning. Luckily enough that her bf managed to be by her side before her departure.

But I somehow believe that this has nothing to do with luck. It was as if she was waiting for him to come and see her one last time. It was as if this was her last wish before she bade us farewell.

Ange, hope that you are having a ball of a time with your daddy up there. I know how much it broke your heart when he left but now that both of you are reunited, don’t forget to watch over your mommy and brothers okay?

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge – myth is more potent than history – dreams are more powerful than facts – hope always triumphs over experience – laughter is the cure for grief – and love is stronger than death.” – Robert Fulghum

We'll miss you,

Welcoming Aydan

Today my favorite cousin sister gave birth to a baby girl and she named her Aydan, which means ‘little fire’.

Very interesting name for a girl because the only other time I’ve heard of that name was in Sex & the City, being one of Carrie’s boyfriends, Aidan (my personal favorite of them all, love him even more than Big!).

Being a parent is such a huge responsibility: 9 months of carrying her around in your womb, waking up every 4 hours to feed her, attempting to figure out the reason for her incessant crying, trying your level best not to strangle her when she won’t shut up, changing her stinky diapers, worrying yourself to death when she gets down with flu, etc.

But at the end of the day, when you watch the bundle of miracle sleeping soundly in her cot, looking like a little angel, you will feel that all the stuff you’ve been through have been worth it and you will not trade the experience for anything in this world. With the exception of maybe, say, 1 million dollars (for the experience only, not the baby, ok?)

Congratulations, TC and Ching2.

By the way, I can’t believe that you are a parent now and I actually still find it kinda hard to imagine but I somehow have faith that you will be a wonderful mommy. Please don't ask me why.

Good luck, Aydan and please try your best not to piss mommy off (if you can) because she can be kinda scary when she’s angry. You know, like the big bad wolf in the story of the Three Little Pigs? She’ll huff, she’ll puff and blow the house down and eat……. uhm, well, we don’t really want that to happen, do we?

P/S: Please do not torture Aydan like what you did to the Shih-Tzus at home. Just kiddin'!

“Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.” – P.J. O’Rourke

Peace out,